My first lesson in mom years’ experience... I remember it was sparked when I got my Facebook account. I didn’t want it! LOL! My husband and I had moved to Atlanta in 2008 away from all of our family and friends. I was pregnant with my fourth child and I didn’t have any social media accounts, so I was constantly texting pics to everyone for updates of the kids’ growth and progress.
A friend of mine who would always ask for pics of the kids... told me to get a Facebook account because it would be an easier way for family and friends to get an update without having the task of texting pics whenever there was an important event. Sounded good to me because with four children there was always something going on!
I had no idea in addition to the picture updates... it would quickly become a mass of information about everyone’s daily thoughts and experiences.. along with their own progress and updates.... so, as my kids were growing and getting older so was everyone else! BTW... this can be very distracting for a person like me whose strength (which I didn’t know at the time) is problem solving!
A family member who was about 20 at the time posted about some health concerns. Being a young adult... he was making a joke about it and I saw that his mother had commented on the post which I thought was too friendly and lacked the accountability to help him especially coming from a mom. Mind you... I hadn’t seen this family member since they were in their younger teens so that’s the picture, I had of them. I could only see that comment from that point of view. So, I thought she was being too lax and friendly in such a concerning matter.
I reached out in a private message and long story short... she let me have it! She told me I was only in 6th grade in mom years and I needed to stay in my lane because I had no idea what it’s like to have an adult child! I didn’t understand what she meant because I thought once you’re a mom you’ve arrived at the opinion box for anything mom related! LOL! In fact, I thought having my four to her one made me more of an expert.. but even with ages combined she had more mom years than I did!! She was RIGHT!! I cringe at the memory of my initial message scolding her for not handling that situation as a parent!
We ended up speaking over the phone and both apologized to each other and she understood I was concerned, and it was all love. But I never forgot that lesson! As my children got older, I realized that your parenting style must change for them to develop and become more independent.
This was a perfect example of me lacking self-awareness and overusing my gift of problem solving to where it became a limitation. Even with the best of intentions you must be aware of how you come across to others. Thankfully I was able to resolve the conflict and save the relationship. I am now 22 years old in mom years and I have a much better understanding of why she commented the way she did!!! Thank God for growth!
Xoxoxox- Modern Mommie Mogul
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